


Even If It Kills You

by SumSteal1



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! - All Media Types, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Eventual Romance, Everyone Needs A Hug, Heavy Angst, Kaiba Seto Needs a Hug, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Prideshipping, References to Depression, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Author needed an outlet for feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21637786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SumSteal1/pseuds/SumSteal1
Summary: "Seto..." Yami whisper finally broke the silence that had filled the room. A quiet, yet so loving voice. A voice that wanted Kaiba and all of Kaiba's attention. Kaiba looked up at the other boy. Only, there was no other boy there. Not anymore. Yami was gone. A shadow of the past that was crushing."Seto!" Mokuba yelled out once again."What?!" Kaiba stood up from his chair and looked over at where Mokuba was standing with a pout.Or;Yami is gone and everyone knows, but for someone who never gets attached, Kaiba takes Yami's death very hard.
Relationships: Atem & Kaiba Seto, Atem/Kaiba Seto, Kaiba Seto & Yami Yuugi, Kaiba Seto/Yami Yuugi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, before you read this piece of work, I just wanna give you a quick warning. 
> 
> I'm sure you already know what you clicked on from the tags I tried to provide.  
> There are mentions of depression. Specifically, Kaiba Seto being depressed.  
> There are minor mentions of suicide, but no suicide or serious talk of it. 
> 
> I wrote this solely as an outlet for my feelings.  
> Characters might be a little off. I'm it out.  
> Aka, this whole fanfic is a mess with holes.
> 
> Now that we have this written agreement where you know what you're about to read...  
> ENJOY!! ^_^
> 
> \--------------------------------------------------

Some things can be a beautiful blessing and a horrible curse at the same time. Yami was one of those things. To Kaiba, he was a beautiful blessing. Someone who inspired him to be better. Someone who understood him and spoke to him face to face without a fear. Someone who saw Kaiba for who Kaiba was. Not only a rival. An equal. Although Kaiba had trouble admitting such words. 

However, Yami was also a horrible curse. Someone that Kaiba quickly got hooked on. Someone Kaiba quickly found out he couldn't let go. Wouldn't let go. Someone Kaiba needed to see and hear to feel charged up again. Someone he felt so quickly and incredibly attached to. Every touch. Every word. 

"Kaiba..." Yami's voice echoed and quickly bought Kaiba out of his own mind. That had not been the first time, and it probably wouldn't be the last.

"Hm?" Kaiba lowered his hands to rest on his own lap, his eyes still staring out of the large window by his desk. 

"You're somewhere else again" was all Yami said as he stepped closer to the CEO, "That head of yours need some time to rest sometime, Seto. Perhaps you work too much."

"I am relaxed. But you could always relax me more with a duel" was all Kaiba answered before he reached over and pulled Yami closer by the loose belt around Yami's waist that held his card deck. Actually very unpractical. 

"Is that emotions I see, Kaiba?" The multi-colour haired boy chuckled, "That's so unlike you" 

"What emotions? I wasn't aware that pulling you to me was an emotion" Kaiba snorted as he wrapped his arms around Yami's body, and leaned his forehead against Yami's stomach.

"Ah. Sarcasm, Kaiba. You wanna be close to me" Yami snickered as he lifted his hand and gently ran in through Kaiba's brown hair, "Wanting to be close to someone is an emotion. It's called need. Do you need me, Kaiba?"

"Shut up" Kaiba muffled against Yami's chest, to which Yami simply let out a quick chuckle. 

There was a long moment of silence after that, and who knows what really went through either of the two boys head. Regardless, Kaiba found himself feeling content. Like a piece of tech that was charging. Saving up for the next big thing that was gonna be thrown at him. At them. Kaiba felt above everyone, but with Yami, it was no longer him. It was them. Together. 

How long had it been now? Things had not started like this. They had been rivals. Yami, or Yugi as Kaiba former thought, was the first one to ever beat Kaiba in a duel. He had declared him a rival. Someone who he was bound to beat someday. However, they kept meeting. Their paths kept colliding into each other. One day, perhaps, they just smiled and accepted that they were destined to be around each other. That was the start. They soon grew so incredibly attached to one another. Aside from their daily fights with ups and downs, Yami and Kaiba started spending time together alone aswell. Like friends. However, friends were quickly shattered when the kiss arrived and connected them as more. A quiet evening where the two had planned to duel, but instead ended up on the couch, laughing and teasing each other. Occasionally Yami trying to kick Kaiba for a reaction, only for Kaiba to grab Yami's legs. That had not been the first time Yami had seen Kaiba smile and actually genuinely laugh. But where he at first had thought a puppy died every time Kaiba smiled, he no longer thought that. Yami quickly grew happy to see Kaiba smile. As cliche as it may sound, Yami fell over when he had tried to stand up and fell directly into Kaiba's arms. A shocked yet loving moment before their lips connected them. Friends to lovers.

Had it been a plan? Absolutely Not. But neither of the boys ever regretted it. No regret was found, but then why... Why did things turn out the way they did. 

"Seto..." Yami whisper finally broke the silence that had filled the room. A quiet, yet so loving voice. A voice that wanted Kaiba and all of Kaiba's attention. Kaiba looked up at the other boy. Only, there was no other boy there. Not anymore. Yami was gone. A shadow of the past that was crushing. A horrible curse at its finest. 

"Seto!" Mokuba yelled out once again.

"What?!" Kaiba stood up from his chair and looked over at where Mokuba was standing with a pout. 

"You're dozing off again! If you're sleepy, you should go and sleep!" Mokuba's worried voice was so clear. 

"I'm not dozing off. I'm thinking." 

"About what?" Mokuba raised a confused, yet still worried brow. 

"About how to throw you out of my office. Get out" Kaiba commanded as he went over to his folders and looked through them to find one specific file. 

"Oh but--- I thought you might wanna go to the--" Mokuba mumbled, clearly feeling sad that he wasn't exactly being any help for his big brother. 

"I'll be there in a second. But you..." Kaiba turned around with a file at hand as he looked over at Mokuba, "Get to bed. It's already 11 Pm.. get going. I'll come to say goodnight before I go" 

Those words seemed like nothing, but to Mokuba, they meant a lot. With a cheerful 'Okay!', Mokuba quickly darted out of his brother's office. Even Mokuba could sense the change that had settled in on his big brother. The small boy constantly tried to be there and help to the best of his abilities. Perhaps even Kaiba could see that, and maybe that was why the CEO put up such a tough front and pretended he was fine. 

Once Mokuba was out of the room, Kaiba's attention shifted back to the file in his hand. He carefully opened it up and glanced at the pages it contained. It was his little project. A little he had been working on for a few months. It would help. It would help him. He knew it would. Somehow. Someday. Maybe.

After a moment of staring at the pages, he closed the file and took it with him. He always did. He walked out of his office and down to the bedrooms. This wasn't their home, but Kaiba considered it their home away from home. He had gotten both himself and Mokuba bedrooms there so they didn't have to go all the way home every time they needed to sleep or eat, etc. So far it had worked like a charm. He gently pushed open the door to Mokuba's room, only to catch the glimpse of his little brother scrambling to bed upon seeing the door open. 

"You're supposed to be in bed when I come in" Kaiba sighed as he stepped over to the bed and put the folder on the nightstand before gentle sitting down on the side of Mokuba's bed. 

"I just needed to take my phone out of the charger" Mokuba giggled a little before fully letting the blanket off his bed consume him. By now only his eyes were out, peeking over at the folder that Kaiba had placed down. Mokuba was a curious child by nature. Maybe even a little too much for his own good. 

"Don't even think about it" Kaiba smirked. 

"What is it?" Mokuba now pulling the covers off a little so his face was visible. 

"A project that I'm working on" Kaiba explained very simply.

"Can I help?!" Mokuba questioned more excited than anything else. Kaiba liked Mokuba's excitement for so many things. It might one day become his doom, but up til now, it had been a good thing.

"Depends. How much have you learned so far?" Kaiba crossed his legs as he smirked over at his little brother. 

"I'm better at coding now. I'm practising coding surroundings lately!" Mokuba sat up in his bed as he explained. Kaiba was quick to push the little boy down to lay again. There was no way Kaiba was about to let Mokuba ramble on about these things for hours, Because for one, Mokuba needed to sleep, and second of all, Kaiba had a very special date he needed to attend to. 

"Oh yeah? I might consider giving you some work than" Kaiba nodded. He wasn't really about to let Mokuba touch any of his projects, but perhaps he could allow Mokuba to start a minor project of his own. 

"Seto, are you alright?" the black little boy asked, almost in a whisper. 

"Hm?" Kaiba raised a brow. 

"You seem to think a lot lately and--" Mokuba was sounding out his worries. Kaiba almost felt bad for letting his little brother worry. Almost. 

"I'm fine Mokuba. I always think a lot. This is nothing new, and nothing for you to worry your little head about" Kaiba sighed. 

"So It isn't about Y--"

"No. It isn't about him" Kaiba quickly cut off before standing up from the bed and grabbing the folder once again, "You can't honestly believe someone so minor would affect me to the point of stress. That's just pitiful. I'm completely fine. I just need a good duel. So let's go duel someone, alright?" he reassured his little brother as he walked over to the door. 

"That's a good idea!" Mokuba said happily. Rather Mokuba believed Kaiba's story about being fine or not, he couldn't exactly push Kaiba to talk. It wasn't a good idea and it would not go well. 

"Then it's a deal. Get some sleep now. Goodnight Mokuba" Kaiba said as he opened the door. He shot Mokuba a quick glance before turned off the room light, stepped out and closed the door behind him. Kaiba stood there for a second. Was Mokuba really so worried? At least Kaiba knew he had made an excuse for his thinking. He hadn't been duelling for a while so the excuse worked regardless. With those thoughts in his head and his own sadness being excused, he walked to the elevator and took it down to finish up some work. 


	2. Chapter 2

Kaiba hadn't stayed for long. He had said goodnight to Mokuba, even reassured his little brother that everything was fine and that everything was going to be fine in the future. Mokuba still had close contact with Yugi and the others. Kaiba? Not so much. Yugi had tried to contact him once. Just to check up on him. Not any more than that once though. It didn't really matter in the end. Kaiba was cutting himself off from them anyway. From everyone. Even if they tried, it would remain fruitless. 

The sliding doors opened to let the CEO enter the facility. The bright lights turned on as Kaiba stepped in. His blue eyes darting over everything to make sure he was alone. And of course, he was. It was midnight already and everyone had gone home for the day. Kaiba had approximately 4 hours alone with his project. 

He walked over to one of the pods and placed the file onto a small chair beside the pod. The pod opened up by the push of a button and Kaiba quickly wired himself into the machine. He then inserted a small chip into the computer, before getting into the pod and laying down. The pod slowly closed over him and as it did, Kaiba closed his eyes.

When he opened his eyes once again, he was in the middle of his office. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except the office perhaps was a little emptier. 

The brunette turned around only to face a multicolour haired male. But not Yugi, although the confusion was understandable. No, this was Yami. Except it wasn't really Yami.

"Come here" Kaiba commanded and the Yami AI slowly walked over to Kaiba. The movements were smooth, like an actual human being. 

"The movements are still lacking... I need to see to that" Kaiba said while making a mental note. Of course, nothing was ever perfect enough for Kaiba, but there was only so much Kaiba could work on when it came to Yami. If Kaiba made the AI too perfect, or not perfect enough, it wouldn't represent Yami. Kaiba's whole goal was to make it as accurate to Yami was humanly possible. He circled the AI a few times. He did so every single day to check up on any flaws or mistakes on the AI in terms of looks. Kaiba wanted it to be as close to his Yami as possible. Every curve, every inch had to be exact. Every strand of hair and fold of clothes had to be exact. Being the perfectionist he was, Kaiba needed to check daily and was never fully satisfied. But still not bothered enough to fix it. 

"Yami..." Kaiba mumbled as he ran a finger over the AI's shoulders.

"Kaiba..." the AI turned its head to Kaiba. That sweet deeper voice. Kaiba was proud of that one. He had gotten the AI's voice to sound exactly like his Yami. It would come in handy. It always did. He usually came to this virtual world, when he needed Yami. 

To anyone other than Kaiba, this might have seemed pathetic. It had been one month since Yami had died. He was dead, and Kaiba knew that very well. Perhaps better than anyone else. But knowing that did not take the pain or hurt away. In fact, it made it worse. 

People tend to cope with loss differently, and this was Kaiba's method. He escaped to this virtual world where he could see Yami. Even if it wasn't the real Yami. Even if this AI didn't have the heart and the warm touch of his Yami, it was an escape. And an escape was all Kaiba really needed. 

"What are we doing today, Kaiba?" The AI turned to face the brunette. Kaiba stared at it for a second before walking over to his virtual desk. He pulled up a small computer on his arm and started typing something in. And sure enough, the surroundings changed. They were no longer in Kaiba's office, but instead, they were on a rooftop somewhere in Domino. Kaiba walked around a little, testing out the wind effects and other minor things that did not really matter. Kaiba needed a moment to get used to the AI. He always did. Meanwhile, the AI followed Kaiba around idly. No matter what corner Kaiba went to. No matter where. No matter if he walked or stopped, the Yami AI was right by Kaiba's side. 

"Kaiba..." the AI spoke again. 

"Hm?" Kaiba answered idly.

"You're somewhere else again" the AI chuckled. The phrase alone made Kaiba stop dead in his tracks. The amount of times his Yami had said those words. For a single second, he almost thought it was actually his Yami. But then he remembered that Yami was dead. None of this was real. No matter how much Kaiba was wishing for it to be. Kaiba slowly turned to face Yami again.

"Kaiba, are you alright?" Yami reached up a cold hand to run it over Kaiba's cheek. The coldness of the hand made Kaiba look away. Needless to say, Kaiba really did miss the warm touch of his Yami. When Yami was alive, Yami would always simply chuckle whenever Kaiba desired to pull him close. It was so out of Kaiba's character to show affection to anyone, let alone Yami. And perhaps it was hard for Yami to get used to before he died. Still, Yami never denied him the touch, and was always willing to be close. To show affection and desire.

"I'm so exhausted I feel like just passing out," Kaiba sighed as he closed his eyes. Talking and letting out his own feelings to an AI of his Yami had become his best way to cope. His only way to cope.

"Perhaps, it's time to go rest for a while, Seto" Yami mumbled. Kaiba turned to look out over Domino. Everything was so quiet in this virtual world he had created. Where there was only him and Yami. 

"I need to be real with myself. I haven't been real with myself lately," Kaiba sighed, "I miss you so much Yami..."

"I'm here, Seto" Yami wrapped his arms around Kaiba and leaned his head onto Kaiba's chest. Although cold, it was the closest Kaiba was getting to any contact with Yami. The closeness he needed the most. 

"I haven't spent any time healing myself lately," Kaiba closed his eyes as he placed his hands on Yami's shoulders, "I'm at war with myself. I'm battling myself every day and I never win. I can feel that I wanna give up, Yami. I can't trust anyone. I can't love anyone. It's just me, and I don't have anyone I can talk to about this pain. This is a battle of strength, and I am losing" Kaiba shook out the words, knowing fully well that nobody was there to hear him. He could let it all out here. He could let it all out to this Yami.

"Seto, I'm here. I'm not leaving you--" Yami slowly grabbed onto Kaiba's hand. Only for it to be shaken off. Kaiba shook it off and pushed Yami away. Yami took a step back from the push and looked at Kaiba. The expression on Yami's face was similar to a mixture of shock and concern. 

"You already left. You're not here. You're not really here. I'm not even sure where you are anymore. You're just a memory now and it hurts to remember. It's just too much!" Kaiba growled out and turned his back to Yami. Kaiba reached both of his hands up and rubbed his temples. Kaiba could feel all of his anger and sadness overfilling and spilling out. He had never thrown tantrums or showed major amounts of his anger and sadness to anyone but himself. He didn't have an outlet for these feelings, and he never needed one. Not until he met his Yami. A horrible curse. 

"I..." Yami opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted again.

"If you didn't care, then why--- Why!?" Kaiba yelled out loud, "Lately, I feel like I’m not good enough. You may be gone but the damage has already happened. I feel depressed and I blame you. All this pain that you left in me..." Kaiba growled, "I am addicted to you. You're my favourite drug. Sometimes at night I-- Why does it even matter? I didn't matter. I try to move forward in life, but somehow I keep going backwards. I hide all my pain but no one knows that I’m a wild disaster by now."

"I..." Yami opened his mouth to try again, to no avail. 

"Sometimes I wanna take some rope, stick my neck in a noose and just choke! I'm sick of playing my part in all of this, just for you to let me down when I put you first!" Kaiba finally turned back to face Yami. However, he was taking steps back, away from Yami. Yami was no longer following Kaiba close. He was standing there, staring at Kaiba, while Kaiba was staring back. Both with so much pain on their face. Perhaps Kaiba with a little more than Yami. 

"I hate you. I really-- really hate you. I don't even need you! If I had just one single magical wish, I'd wish I didn't see you!" Kaiba yelled. His voice echoed in the empty alleyways of the city. Kaiba did not even believe in magic, yet here he was, screaming out for a wish. One single wish that he could do with whatever he wanted to. Like, wish Yami back. His Yami. Not an AI. Not a fake. But his Yami. The Yami he was addicted to. The Yami he needed to touch and hear to feel okay.

_Slowly._

_Steadily._

_Breathe._

"I just need to breathe" Kaiba took a deep breath, and tried calming his feelings again. He leaned against the railing of the roof, looking down at the empty street below. Kaiba wasn't the type to yell, scream or throw a fit. He knew he was better, and never felt the need for such childish things. But god, did it feel amazing when he was doing it now. A chance to let out all of his emotions to nobody at all. Nobody was going to take the fall from this. Except for the AI. Which really was not the same thing as a living human being. 

Suddenly Kaiba felt the coldness against his back. He peeked behind himself, only to see Yami hugging him from behind. For a moment Kaiba felt mesmerized to the feeling of Yami hugging him. Was that what he needed? A hug? Perhaps if everything could just be worked out by a simple hug, the world wouldn't be so painful. But that was almost pitiful dreaming. He sighed and looked up at the starry night sky with a sigh. 

"My depression is taking control of me. When I'm being me, I feel like I'm being someone else. I feel alone without you, Yami, and nobody knows. I need someone. I need you" Kaiba whispered, as he once again closed his eyes.

Kaiba allowed himself to open his eyes again to the pod he had wired himself to in the beginning. The pod opened and Kaiba let out a sigh. He slowly got out of the pod. He unwired himself from the pod and grabbed the files on the chair by the pod. 

Once again he opened the file and glanced in on the pages the file held. It only took a moment before he closed the file again and left the facility. It was 3 Am now and finally time for Kaiba to catch a nap.


	3. Chapter 3

Kaiba wasn't exactly sleeping much. He hadn't been for a long time now. The maximum of sleep Kaiba was usually able to get was a mere 4 hours. And that was on a good day. That was on the few days where he finally poured out some of the anger and sadness inside his mind. Just a little so that it wouldn't overflow during his interactions with real humans. The last thing he wanted was to snap at Mokuba or fire a random employee. 

And 4 hours was exactly what he got. He woke up at 7 Am and lazily sat on his bed for a few minutes. It was late and people almost everywhere were already out and about. Kaiba reached up and rubbed his temples again. He had just opened his eyes and he already felt a burning headache threatening his mood for the day. 

It didn't take long for Kaiba to get dressed and heading to the kitchen for a cup of coffee. He needed it to get through the day. In the kitchen he found a Mokuba sitting by the kitchen island, eating cereal, clearly feeling way too tired for someone who got 7-8 hours of sleep.

"Good morning, Mokuba. You look tired" Kaiba commented proceeded to make his morning coffee. 

"It's too early" Mokuba whined as he slurped a spoonful of cereal. 

"You have school in an hour. Are you not waking up a little late?" Kaiba commented as he spared Mokuba a quick glance. 

"I packed my bag yesterday. I just need to be dressed and then I can go" Mokuba frowned a little. He has always been driven to school anyway, so he was sure he wouldn't be late. Mokuba watched as his big brother poured coffee into a mug and leaned against the counter while taking a sip from his coffee. 

"Aren't you tired, Seto?" Mokuba questioned. 

"Why would I be?" Kaiba looked over at his little brother. 

"Didn't you go work on your holographic system last night?" 

"I did, but unlike you, I don't need as much sleep" Kaiba smirked over at his little brother again. 

"Oh..." Mokuba simply mumbled before continuing to eat his cereal. 

These little moments during the waking hours meant a lot to Kaiba, although he would never admit to them. He was lucky to have Mokuba, and no matter what happened, he knew that deep inside. What was going on inside his head was his own problem to face, not Mokuba's. And Kaiba would never drag Mokuba into his issues. Especially not issues that were related to Yami. 

Kaiba's eyes darted to the window and stared out at the clear blue sky that had been provided for the city Domino. It was a nice day. A perfect day to spend inside and work on his holograph of Yami. 

"When I come back from school, I'll show you the thing I have been coding! It's really really cool!" Mokuba finally broke the silence. It bought Kaiba half-way back from his thoughts as his eyes once again landed on his little brother. 

Being influenced by depression and anxiety can be a dangerous game. One instantly get more sensitive and tend to overthink more when the two major factors are in play. Kaiba was no exception. His major focus was on Yami and how lost he felt when Yami died. But looking at Mokuba's smiling face, Kaiba quickly started overthinking. His little brother was trying so hard. Was trying his best. Kaiba reached his free hand up and rubbed his temple once again. It had always just been the two of them and up til now, Kaiba had been so sure that the two of them were all they ever needed. But no. The two of them needed a mom and a dad. They needed the family they never had, and Kaiba was finally starting to realize how broken his family really was. All he had was Mokuba, and all Kaiba did was do his best to provide a solid life for himself and his little brother. However, Kaiba could never provide Mokuba with the family life. It was always just the two of them every night. All of this overthinking was too much for Kaiba. Too much for him to handle. 

"Seto? Are you alright?" Mokuba asked as he jumped off the tall chair and grabbed his bowl to put it in the dishwasher. 

"Yes. Just a minor headache" the taller male mumbled as he took a step away from the dishwasher, allowing his brother to take care of the bowl, "You can show me when you get back from school"

"Deal" the smaller boy giggled as he put the bowl in the dishwasher and proceeded to grab a glass of water. Damn, Kaiba was happy Mokuba knew how to clean for himself. Mokuba drank up the glass of water before running off to his room to prepare for a school day. 

Kaiba? Well, Kaiba wasn't entirely sure what he was going to be doing. He needed to work more on his Yami holograph. He needed to check and approve or deny some materials that his employees needed. He was going to do that first. 

He took a deep sigh as he went to his office, bringing his cup of coffee with him. It was going to be a very long day and it had only just started.

\-----------------

Around three in the afternoon, Kaiba realized that he hadn't heard a single word from his little brother. It wasn't normal for Mokuba not to at least calling or texting if he stayed out later. And usually the only reason Mokuba would stay out would be for duels, or if he got kidnapped. Again. 

Kaiba got up from his desk and left his office. While walking to the elevator, Kaiba pulled out his phone and called up his little brother. He tried a few times while he was in the elevator but to no avail. Kaiba wasn't used to being worried, but for once he actually was. He really did hope Mokuba didn't get himself kidnapped again. Kaiba had no headspace left to think about such things. Not to mention he would most likely meet Yugi and the other dorks somewhere. He always did. Even if he didn't want to or meant to. 

Kaiba looked up as he heard the *ding* from the elevator along with the doors opening. He took a single step out of the elevator and immediately regretted it. The sight he saw was probably one of his worst nightmares. The good news was that Mokuba was okay and safe. The bad news was that Yugi and his dork club was by the entrance, talking to Mokuba. Kaiba heard the door close behind him, but as quick as possible, he called the elevator back to go back upstairs. He pushed the button a few times as he groaned low. 

"Kaiba!" He heard Mokuba called out behind him. Mission had failed. Kaiba had been compromised and was now the center of everyone's attention. Everyone he did not want to see. Why them of all people.

"Oii Kaiba!" Joey called out once again. Kaiba hated that blonde boys voice and sole existence. Everything about Joey pissed Kaiba off to the very core. 

"Kaiba..." He heard Yugi's voice come closer. Kaiba slowly turned around to see the young multicolour haired boy come closer.

"Yugi..." Kaiba groaned a little. He made sure that the annoyance was clear, but perhaps it wasn't as clear as he had wanted it to be. Yugi looked exactly the same as he always did. No major changes except that he wasn't wearing the millennium puzzle anymore.

"Seto! They came to see you! We were on our way to--" Mokuba lightly bounced beside Kaiba. 

"You were supposed to be home 2 hours ago" Kaiba glared down at his little brother, "Where have you been and why did you not call. Get in the elevator" Kaiba growled low. 

"Wait, Kaiba..." Yugi took a step closer to the two Kaiba brothers, "We came to see how you were doing... I was worried about you when--"

"I'm fine. Now leave" Kaiba said coldly as he pushed Mokuba towards the elevator. 

"You didn't return my calls or answer to my texts" Yugi sighed as to insinuate that he now had finished his original sentence. 

"Leave" Kaiba he looked over at Yugi, then looked over at the elevator as he heard the *ding* sound and the doors opening.

"Kaiba you--" Joey growled a little. Which was probably very normal for such a dumb fighting blonde boy.

"Joey, Stop" Yugi sighed before he reached out and took hold of Kaiba's sleeve, causing Kaiba to look back at the boy with annoyance, "Kaiba, we all miss him, you most of all, I bet... But at least call me to let me know you're not--" 

"First of all," Kaiba ruffled his sleeve out of Yugi's grip, perhaps a little too aggressive, "Speak for yourself. I don't miss him, and I couldn't care any less. Second of all, I am not your babysitter, Yugi, I have no obligation to keep in contact with you. Mind your own business and leave me alone" Kaiba glared daggers down at Yugi before turning to the elevator and stepped in with Mokuba. 

"Oii Kaiba what the hell?!" Joey called out.

"Kaiba come on" Tristan mumbled low, yet loud enough.

Once the elevator doors closed to leave Kaiba and Mokuba in the elevator alone, Kaiba finally felt like he could breathe again. Had he been too mean? Probably. But it wasn't like Yugi wasn't used to this sort of treatment. Kaiba had always been like this. This was nothing new.

"Big brother..." Mokuba mumbled a little. Kaiba looked over, to see Mokuba looking down at the floor. 

"Don't bring them here anymore" Kaiba demanded. 

"They were just..." Mokuba sighed, "They were just looking out for you, Seto" Mokuba finally looked up at his older brother. 

"I said, do not bring them here anymore. They are not my friends and I don't want them here" Kaiba said coldly. Mokuba didn't answer. There was a long and unwanted silence in the elevator as they took it all the way up to the top. The very top floor was where the two Kaiba brothers had their bedrooms, kitchen, etc. and where they lived when they were too lazy or busy to go home. They spent more time there than anywhere else. Despite it only being their home away from their real home, it felt more like their real home. Kaiba let out a low sigh as the *ding* sounded and the doors opened. He stepped out of it and headed towards the kitchen. He heard his little brother go the other direction towards his room. Perhaps Kaiba had been a little harsh on his little brother, however, Kaiba did need to set some limits. He would surely break a little faster if Yami's friends continued to linger around.

\-----------------

The evening came quicker than expected. Kaiba called out for Mokuba to come to eat dinner. He wasn't a Masterchef, but he took care of dinner and whenever he felt happy, he also took care of breakfast on weekends. Kaiba turned when he heard the pitter-patter of Mokuba's feet coming to the kitchen. He placed a plate of food on the kitchen island in front of the chair that Mokuba was climbing onto. 

"Thank you!" Mokuba said happily before he dug in to eat. Kaiba didn't answer. He never did, but Mokuba never seemed to mind.

"There is more if you feel more hungry," Kaiba said before he took off the apron and put on his jacket, before heading towards the elevator.

"Seto, are you not going to eat??" Mokuba turned to look after Kaiba. 

"I'll eat later. I need to finish some work" was all Kaiba said before the elevator doors opened and Kaiba vanished into it and down to the lab.

Stepping into the lab, he saw the last two people working, packing their stuff and leaving. Kaiba did not waste any time as he walked over to the pod in the very back, the same one he had used the night before. And any night before that. Coming down to the lap and setting himself up to a pod had become a nightly activity. A routine that he had made a permanent habit. He put down the same folder he had the other night and placed it on the chair beside the pod. He then wired himself up with the pod and got into it. One of these days, he'd really need to try out his virtual escape in an open environment. But for now, the pod gave him a perfect cover for trying everything out before going into the real thing. The pod closed over him as he closed his eyes shut, allowing his virtual world to take him, and all the pain away.

"Kaiba!" A voice called out to him and with that, he opened his eyes. He looked around in the office, his eyes quickly finding Yami. Yami walked over and hugging Kaiba tightly with a smile. Kaiba couldn't help the small curl on his lips as he was hugged.

"Hey... Yami..." Kaiba chuckled a little, before reaching down to plant a soft kiss on Yami's forehead. An AI. That was all this Yami was. However, Kaiba had stopped holding himself back simply because he knew this Yami was only an AI. This was the only Yami he had around.

"I can sense some tension in you, Kaiba" Yami looked up, before he reached up and cubbed Kaiba's cheeks. Yami had a smirk on his lips, and it made Kaiba let out a small snicker. 

"It's been a hard day" Kaiba mumbled.

"How come? Did something happen?" Yami raised a brow before taking a step back. 

"Nothing important" Kaiba sighed as he went over to the desk in this virtual world of his, "Yugi showed up uninvited and started blabbing" 

"That sounds nice though. Yugi is a good kid, Kaiba. Even you know that much" Yami followed Kaiba close. Just like he had done the night before. 

"It doesn't allow him to stop by unwanted" Kaiba sighed and leaned against his desk as he looked over at Yami. 

"We have visited you so many times, uninvited. I know I have" Yami smirked.

"No, you were always welcome. You know that" Kaiba smirked back. Yami let out a chuckle at Kaiba's words. Even if it wasn't the real Yami, that laugh bought so much ease to Kaiba's soul. He felt so at ease simply by hearing that stupid laugh. Like everything was okay. Like he was okay and safe. 

"What did he say?" Yami tilted his head slightly. 

"Nothing of importance. He just asked why I hadn't answered his calls or texts" Kaiba frowned. Obviously, he wouldn't answer any calls or texts. Especially when he did not really want any contact with the boy. 

"So he was worried about you? That does not seem as bad as you make it sound" Yami turned slightly, to think, "May I suggest talking to him and tell him that you're--" 

"No" Kaiba cut off Yami quickly. He pushed himself away from the desk and walked towards the window. 

"Kaiba" Yami sighed and folded his arms over his chest. 

"I'm fine, and I told him that. He can finally leave me alone" Kaiba grumbled slightly. 

"Are you really fine though, Kaiba?" Yami questioned. 

"What is that supposed to mean?" Kaiba glared back at Yami. 

"Nothing Nothing" Yami raised his hands slightly, "I just feel like you have been tense these days. Yugi has always been a good friend to me, so I thought, perhaps he--"

"I don't need him!" Kaiba snapped at Yami, with a much more raised tone of voice, "I don't need any of them!" Kaiba reached his hands up and rubbed his temples again. He had a headache. He could feel himself once again overflowing with sadness and anger.

"I see" Yami whispered. It was barely loud enough for Kaiba to pick up on.

"I'm too paranoid to let anyone get close these days. That’s probably the one thing I'm avoiding the most" Kaiba whispered. Mostly to himself more than anyone else. 

"Kaiba..." 

"I don't know how I got this way. I just am this way I guess" Kaiba sighed deeply, "I constantly look for validation for some idea that my mind has already made up. This isn't me. When did I tell myself I was unworthy? Undeserving. I feel like I'm fake. hate the stress that it all came with" Kaiba groaned. 

Some things in this world is a blessing. Some things are a curse. And then there are some blessings, disguised as a continuing curse. Kaiba continued to feel like he was losing a duel he didn't even know he had been challenged to. A duel where he could not just blast his way through with a blue-eyes. Yami had completely changed Kaiba's entire world. He had made Kaiba feel loved and wanted, despite the terrible personality Kaiba often showed off. Yami gave him a chance and showed him a little light to a better world. Kaiba had been so prepared to change for the sole sake of Yami. Yami had inspired Kaiba to be better. To be a better person as a whole. Yami had believed in him when nobody else would. Kaiba could make an entire list of things Yami had given him, but truthfully, Kaiba was short on time. 

"No one could ever feel what I'm feeling. I can't trust or love anyone. I need to learn to accept the fact that there's no one to turn to now. Somehow I need to get through these dark days by myself... but--" Kaiba's words trailed off somewhere.

"Kaiba... This is not right..." Yami's voice sounded worried. However, Kaiba ignored it. 

"I need a light. I just wanna feel something right now. Anything..."

"Kaiba...Something is wrong" Yami called out again. However, Kaiba still chose to ignore him, continuing to look out of the large window by his desk.

"My mind is playing a game of tug. I just continue to go back and forth, unsure as to what to do. If not this, then what? There's so much inconsistency in my mind lately"

"Kaiba! Please, Listen!" Yami called out, as he rushed to Kaiba's side. 

"just know that I'm-- I'm trying" Kaiba closed his eyes. Closing his eyes was all he needed to do. That's all he ever needed to do when he wanted to escape the real world. It's all he had to do to escape the virtual world he was supposed to escape to. 

When he opened his eyes, the pod above him opened again, allowing Kaiba to exit. And so he did. He stepped out and unplugged himself from the pod. He picked up the folder that he had placed on the chair and left the lab in a rush. He didn't even think about the chip he had left in the pod. He needed to sleep. He needed to rest. He needed to do something to distract himself from everything. 


	4. Chapter 4

Sleep was a mere joke to Kaiba. Even when he was convinced and told himself to sleep, he rarely did. He rarely slept more than 4 hours, however, once he got back from the lab, he did not sleep at all. So when Mokuba woke up the next morning, he was surprised to meet his big brother in the kitchen, making pancakes. Kaiba rarely felt in the mood to cook breakfast, let alone cook it on a workday. However, Mokuba wasn't prepared to question it. Especially not when he could be eating pancakes instead. 

"Good morning," Kaiba said as he flipped the last pancake onto a plate and put it down in front of Mokuba, who was already sitting by the kitchen island. Mokuba glanced over the well-made pancakes, before he looked up at his brother, almost in awe. Kaiba himself was awake before Mokuba and even made breakfast for him. Kaiba had never been a bad brother, but even for Kaiba, this was a whole new thing.

"Did you sleep well?" Kaiba pushed a glass of apple juice towards Mokuba. Mokuba blinked a few times before he nodded and took a sip of the juice. 

"Yes! I had some weird dreams though..." Mokuba mumbled, still thinking of his weird dreams. It was a blurry mess by now, but he could have sworn he was in a completely different country, with a very big river and weird boats he had never seen before. The sun was hot and it almost felt real, and in the far distance, Mokuba could have sworn he saw deserts. A weird dream, but Mokuba didn't remember much more than that. 

"Oh? It's a good thing it's just dreams than" Kaiba gave his little brother a little smile before he turned back to the kitchen to fix himself some morning coffee. Mokuba's eyes followed his big brother while he stuffed his mouth with pancakes. 

"Yeah, I've never had weird dreams though" Mokuba mumbled while chowing down some pancakes, "There were rivers and deserts and--"

"Don't talk with your mouth full" Kaiba called out. Mokuba quickly nodded with a small giggle as he chewed his food before speaking further. 

Mokuba would be lying if he said it wasn't nice to have Kaiba care for him and even talk to him. A real conversation that involved more than just a few stale words. The kindness was not entirely new but very welcomed. For the first time in a while, Mokuba felt like Kaiba was okay, and truthfully, that was all Mokuba ever wanted. He wanted his big brother to be okay, no matter what the cost was. Mokuba had before gone to extream lengths to make sure Kaiba was okay, and he would do it again in a heartbeat. After all, they only had each other. And that seemed to be enough for Mokuba.

Mokuba narrowed his eyes a tiny bit as he saw Kaiba reached up to one of the upper cabinets and pull out some pills. Painkillers as far as Mokuba could tell. Did Kaiba have a headache again? How long had Kaiba been having his headache? Mokuba couldn't exactly put his finger on when they had started, but he knew Kaiba had headaches a lot lately. 

"Let's go somewhere this weekend" Kaiba's words bought Mokuba out of a deep thought process.

"Where? You did say you were edging for a good duel" Mokuba blinked.

"I did say that. So we should do that" Kaiba said, before he swallowed a pill with a glass of water. 

"Another headache?" Mokuba questioned, "You seem to be having a lot of those lately." Kaiba simply nodded and rubbed his temples again. He didn't exactly need to hide his headaches from his little brother, however, with so little sleep it was no wonder Kaiba's headaches never seemed to stop. Perhaps he needed some stronger painkillers.

"Seto..." Mokuba called out low, as he started poking his fork into a pancake without ever picking it up and eating it, "I feel like you're gonna get angry but... I kind of really wanna see you duel Yugi again..."

"Why?" Kaiba looked back at his little brother, confused. 

"You both seem to like duelling and you're both very good at it. You get into it..." Mokuba tried his best to explain. He didn't exactly have a good reason, other than the fact that he was worried about Kaiba. Yugi seemed like a worthy opponent when it came to duels, and perhaps a good duel was all Kaiba needed as a distraction. 

"Okay... I'll call him later" Kaiba said. These words made Mokuba look up at his big brother in surprise. Kaiba had seemed so against even seeing Yugi's face yesterday, and now he was willing to duel with him. 

"We can schedule a duel with him this weekend, but as of right now, you need to go to school" Kaiba gave his tiny brother another small smile.

"Then it's a deal!" Mokuba smiled. The smile on Mokuba's face was a good enough reward for Kaiba. And with a full mouth stuffed with pancakes, Mokuba quickly jumped off his chair and ran to his room to get ready for the day. 

"Don't run! You're gonna fall and choke" Kaiba shook his head as he grabbed the half-empty plate and cleaned up after Mokuba's breakfast. 

Kaiba's head had been brutally murdering him more than usual lately. Perhaps because he didn't get enough sleep. But it was hard to sleep with a headache. It was like an evil circle that kept repeating. Or perhaps because he spent almost every night inside a pod. His body was lying still inside a pod for hours every single night, but he was wide awake. His body rarely got the opportunity to rest. 

Kaiba leaned against the counter and rubbed his temples once again. This time a little softer to avoid putting more tension on his nerves. 

Kaiba had completely forgotten the episode he had with Yami yesterday. It almost seemed like a distant memory by now. Lately, he had been fighting with Yami a lot more. It was devastating. It wasn't like Kaiba to feel remorse, Even if it was just an AI. But he did. Not only had he lost his Yami, the only person he had ever felt real with. But he was also fighting with his Yami AI, his only escape after he lost everything. Kaiba knew deep inside, he started most of the fights. He snapped at Yami so many times. All of the anger and sadness he felt against Yami, when deep down, Kaiba already knew it was bound to happen. Kaiba had known from the very first moment. Yami's entire life had been based on awakening his memories and getting back to the afterlife where he belonged. Kaiba had simply not been prepared for it, emotionally. Tomorrow always comes too soon.

Kaiba closed his eyes as he let a soft sigh escape his lips. He was feeling dizzy by the mere thought of facing the harsh reality that he had been trying so hard to run away from. He was slowing down little by little, and so the tragedy he had refused to face came closer and closer.

"Bye, Seto!! I'll come back right after school!!" Mokuba called out as he headed to the elevator, on his way to school. 

"Mokuba wait..." Kaiba quickly said as he grabbed his coat and followed Mokuba to the elevator. Mokuba had not expected it but didn't exactly question it either. As they took the elevator down together, Mokuba rambled on about a duel he had won in school, and how his teacher had complimented a freestyle story they had to write as homework. Kaiba kept his eyes on his little brother as he tried his best to focus on listening, even with a pounding head. 

Kaiba waved Mokuba off and stood in front of KaibaCorp for a solid second, wondering what he was going to do. It had been an impulse thought to go out. He was without his duelling deck, duel disk, credit cards, car keys. Quite frankly, he had nothing on him. Nothing he could use at least. But he started walking. He wasn't sure where his legs were taking him, but he did know that the semi-cold air in Domino felt nice on his head. He had been cooped up in his lab and office for so long, that he almost forgot what fresh air felt like. It was a nice change of pace. 

\-----------------

It didn't take long before Kaiba knew exactly where his own legs had taken him. He took a deep sigh as his eyes met the old man's game shop. His own legs had betrayed him, while his mind had been distracted. Not only was Kaiba at war with himself, emotionally, but his body was also not exactly working together. 

Regardless, here he was, and there was no way he would run away now. A little *ding* rang out by the door as he stepped inside the game shop. He looked around for a moment. Yugi would be in school by now, wouldn't he? So was there even a point to coming this far?

"Kaiba?" Kaiba looked over to meet the tiny boy. Kaiba had to blink a few times to remind himself that Yami was no longer residing inside of Yugi's body. The puzzle was not even around Yugi's neck anymore. 

"Yugi..." Kaiba sighed as he turned to the young boy, "Mokuba has persuaded me to ask you for a little of your time this weekend"

"My time? What for?" Yugi chuckled as he walked over to Kaiba. 

"A duel. He wants to see me duel you again" Kaiba explained, quite simple. 

"We can duel right now! Truth be told, I've been wanting to duel you for a while now, it would be a good time to talk" Yugi giggled out loud.

"Well, aren't you just nimble-witted. I'll have to refuse since I don't have my deck with me, and I don't have Mokuba with me either"

"You don't have your deck... with you?? That's the first time I've seen you out without it" Yugi raised an almost concerned brow. 

"I didn't plan on coming when I could have just called you, but I need some air. Don't give yourself any funny ideas" Kaiba glared a little at Yugi. 

"I don't believe you would have called at all" Yugi snickered. 

"Shouldn't you be in school?" Kaiba turned to face Yugi, giving the younger male all of his attention. 

"Well, yeah! But gramps is in the hospital for a checkup, so I'm taking care of the shop for a little while" Yugi explained. Kaiba simply nodded slowly. 

"Well... regardless," Kaiba turned towards the door, "We're duelling tomorrow, so you can stop by my office around 10. Try not to be late" Kaiba walked towards the door to leave the game shop. Truthfully he didn't want to stay for too long. 

"Kaiba wait..." Yugi called out and took hold of Kaiba's sleeve. Kaiba looked back, confused when he had been pulled away from the door. It wasn't like Yugi to grab hold of people so suddenly or strongly. He must have learned that from Yami, or maybe it just came along when Yugi became older. 

"Wait here... I have something for you," Yugi said as he quickly disappeared into a different room. Kaiba blinked a few times, now even more confused. Kaiba couldn't possibly grasp what Yugi could possible have that belonged to him. Kaiba already had everything he could wish for in this world. Money and power. What else could he possibly need?

When Yugi came back again, he had a little black box with him. Kaiba usually wasn't quick to get suspicious, however, he was suspicious of Yugi now. Or rather, suspicious of the things Yugi had in this black box. Kaiba had thought Yugi would just pull something out of the box and hand it to him, but he didn't. Instead, Yugi handed the whole box to Kaiba. Kaiba narrowed his eyes slightly as his eyes darted between Yugi and the box. 

"What is it?" Kaiba mumbled as he slowly took a hold of the box, cautious to say the least.

"You have taken it now! No takebacks!" Yugi giggled, and for the first time, Kaiba actually panicked.

"What?! What is it?!" Kaiba growled as he took an almost threatening step towards Yugi.

"Relax, relax" Yugi giggled as he raised his hands in defence, "He wanted me to give it to you" Yugi explained as he lowered his hands again.

"He? You mean--" Kaiba whispered out loud as his eyes went wide with shock. He was almost afraid that the word would break and afraid that his voice would scatter and break in the middle of the sentence. 

"Yami" Yugi confirmed with a nod, "I meant to give it to you sooner, but you kept ignoring me every time I called or texted" Yugi rubbed the back of his own neck, nervously. Kaiba looked down at the box. Why would Yami leave anything behind for him, let alone ask Yugi to give it to him? Kaiba struggled a little to find any words to speak. His mind wandered into a black pit and suddenly, it felt hard for Kaiba to even breathe.

"Kaiba..." Yugi said in possible the most gentle voice Kaiba had ever heard, "I hope you know you meant so much to him. I gave him control because I knew how much he wanted to spend time with you alone" 

Kaiba could feel his hands trembling. His own mind was all over the place with no easy spot to rest. Like mind was suddenly drowning in memories and thoughts. He had spent all morning wanting to let it all go and move on. Kaiba's eyes darted to Yugi, like a deer caught in headlights, as Yugi reached a hand up to wipe a tear. A tear that Kaiba had not even felt falling. Just one single tear that rolled down slowly, and was stopped by Yugi's hand. 

"He loved you, Kaiba. I would know better than anyone since I shared a body with him!" Yugi face was so gentle and understanding, "So don't ever think that he didn't. He treasured you and the time you spent together... and deep down, you know that as well as I."

"I have to go" Kaiba whispered low as he took a step away from Yugi and the almost poisoned touch of Yugi's hand. Kaiba quickly dodged around Yugi and headed straight for the door. He could hear Yugi say something as he left, but in the state that Kaiba was in, it all sounded like whispers to him. Whispers that were impossible to hear.

Kaiba left the game shop and Yugi, as he stumbled back to his office. He wandered the streets back to his office, with the black box in hand, looking like an absolute zombie. He almost felt like he was in the shadow realm. Everything around him seemed so dead, except it wasn't. And everybody around him seemed to have completely vanished, except they hadn't at all. 

Upon arriving back at KaibaCorp, Kaiba stumbled into the elevator and took it all the way up to their home plate. It wasn't till the *ding* from the elevator bought Kaiba somewhat out of his own mind. He stepped out of the elevator, to be met with pure silence. He stood there for a solid minute before he rushed to his bedroom. 

He placed the black box on his dresser and backed away from it, almost as if the box had burned his hands. He stared at the box for a moment before looking away. He was afraid to look at the box, even more, afraid to open the box. Yami had nothing in this mortal world, did he? What could possibly be in the box? What could Yami possible have left behind for Yugi to give him? 

Kaiba sat down on his bed and held his head in his hands as he closed his eyes for just a moment. Without even knowing what the box contained inside, Kaiba felt like he was wandering around in the dark. Like he was wandering through the dark, fidging around to find Yami and some sort of light. This black box this not help at all. But he needed to know what was inside. He needed to know what Yami had left. 

Kaiba quickly shot up from the bed and darted over to the box. He stopped, before carefully reaching his hands over. He lifted the lid off the box as slowly and carefully as he possibly could, almost as if he was afraid that the whole box and everything inside would break. Once the lid was lifted, Kaiba's eyes widened when he saw what the box contained. 

\------------------------

"Seto, I'm home!!" Mokuba called out loud when he stepped out of the elevator. 2 in the afternoon and he headed straight to the kitchen to get something to drink. He would have taken a glass of milk like he always did after school, but decided against it and grabbed a simple glass of water instead. 

"Welcome home," Kaiba said as he came into the kitchen as well. Mokuba looked back at his big brother, "I spoke to Yugi, we'll duel tomorrow" 

"Really?! I'm excited!" Mokuba bounced slightly. 

"I can tell," Kaiba smirked as he grabbed an apple from the kitchen, before heading back towards his office, "I have some work to finish, so you can relax. Let's go out to eat tonight"

"Out... to eat..?" Mokuba blinked a few times as he watched his big brother vanish into his office. This was surely a surreal dream. Mokuba could not exactly figure out why Kaiba seemed so happy today. Regardless, Mokuba could only hope that this was a good change. Mokuba thought that, perhaps, Kaiba was slowly moving on from Yami's death. 

Mokuba let out a small giggle as he drank up his glass of water. He wasn't sure what Kaiba meant when he said to relax, but he knew what he wanted to do. He went to his room to put his backpack, before then heading down to the lab to work on some coding. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! ^^


End file.
